Hanne Blank Boyd: Welcome to Reasons Not to Quit, a podcast about people and the reasons they find not to quit when the going gets rough. I'm your host, Hanne Blank Boyd, and if you, like me, have ever felt like you weren't sure how you were going to keep going, you are in the right place. Each week, we hear from someone who's been in that place, who talks with us about what helped them keep going when they needed a reason not to quit.
This week's guest is Kim Airs, who is a Los Angelina... With an amazing motorcycle. Welcome to Reasons Not To Quit, Kim.
Kim Airs: Thank you. What a great introduction.
Hanne Blank Boyd: I'd love to invite you to introduce yourself a little more. Tell us a bit about yourself. What would you like our listeners to know about
Kim Airs: Oh my gosh, where do I start? It's Kim Airs, A I R S. Nice and easy to remember, that's for sure, and quite Google- able. And so, let's see. I would say, probably, and this is how I know you, is in 1993, November, I left my job at Harvard to sell rubber dicks to girls.
Which is also going to be a title of the book when it comes out because people are like, "how the hell?," you know, and it's all true for sure.
So I do a lot of things. So obviously that was my entree into the sex toy world professionally, although I had been a consumer since ‘87 and just kind of no turning back from there. I had my store called, drum roll please, Grand Opening. Get it? Grand opening from November ‘93 to December ‘05. And I sold it and I've remained in the industry since.
So I've got 30 years this year under my belt. So to speak. I love all the double entendres in this business. There's, they just, they keep on coming!
Hanne Blank Boyd: The gift that keeps on giving. It really is.
Kim Airs: Absolutely, it absolutely is. So I'm still, you know very much, very active in the community. I still do a ton of writing and I do product development, product reviews and consulting.
I work with doctors and sex therapists because a lot of doctors are pretty clueless around actual sexual function. I just had this recently confirmed with a conversation with a very young, just graduated in June, gynecologist. And she, I mean, everybody's young to me at this point, right? But anyway, I said "Okay, I need to get an update: what do they teach you about sexual function now that you're a gynecologist?" Her answer? Absolutely nothing.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Oh God, you would hope it would be better by now.
Kim Airs: Right? So this is a whole area that I'm well versed in. I work with clients, patients. I do. I work with therapists a lot in a triad because I can break down a lot of barriers and shame and guilt and all things like that with my knowledge.
And then just my given skill of making people comfortable around sex. I mean, it's really, it's amazing. I'm just, I'm as infatuated with and passionate about the whole sex world as I have been like my entire life.
Hanne Blank Boyd: That's such a wonderful approach. And I love that. You've always been so generous, you know, with people about your, your information and just your approach. It's just always been wonderful. I have to say, for the sake of transparency, that your shop was one of the first places that I ever taught a sex related class way back in the day with my book, Big, Big Love back in 2000.
So we go, we go way back, listening public.
Kim Airs: We do. This is why I'm so happy to be here too.
Hanne Blank Boyd: So I want to ask you, was there ever a time in your life when you really wanted to quit? I mean, whatever that meant to you at the time, and what happened?
Kim Airs: Oh, okay. This is, you know, it's funny because yes, I got the questions ahead of time and I'm thinking, okay, which one do I want to pick? One I think is the most interesting is that and it goes beyond just me, is that when you're a sex positive person and I wear it on my sleeve, but it's not like I'll meet somebody and go, "So have you had sex lately?" I mean, nothing like that. But I'm really proud of what I do.
Now I worked actually for a year outside of the adult industry. There's a whole back story for that. And I worked for, I'll just say it: the California gift show. And what my job was, was to encourage store owners to come to the gift show to buy. It's a wholesale trade show, blah, blah, blah.
So I would talk to these people and say, Hey, and, and the company knew that I had had a sex store, blah, blah, blah. So I said to them, I said, "Oh, I know what it's like to be able, you know, to not want to take a day off to attend a trade show. I owned my own retail store too."
So I would leave it at that. And if they said what kind of retail store, I would say, "Well, women's sexuality boutique. Yes, I sold those things." And I would leave it at that. I mean, I wouldn't go into detail unless they wanted to engage in further conversation. But other than that, that's all they needed to know.
And I'm sitting down and they said, "Oh we want to talk to you. You were at a retail store and you talked in detail about your store." And here's the quote, "...it upset their Christian values."
Hanne Blank Boyd: Oh my. Oh my.
Kim Airs: Okay, I came this close to saying, "You don't realize who you're talking to here! You're talking to someone who employed up to 40 staff at one point. You know, I know these rules. You are insinuating that I do not have Christian values due to my company, but you don't know that. So technically, you are discriminating against me based on religion. And I could sue your ass for that."
Hanne Blank Boyd: Wow.
Kim Airs: Exactly. But you know what? I stayed quiet because then they could fire me and I could collect unemployment. I wanted to get out of that job anyway. So that's why I didn't quit. But they brought that up and I thought, you know what? I'm not even going to engage. I hate this job. I'm going to go back to my sex toy world. And I did, I did. So that was in 2007, I think 2008 . That was a big reason not to quit.
That one was just to like stick through it and, and let them do the job.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Well, if you can see something better on the horizon, too. I mean, even if they fire you.
Kim Airs: Right. Right. And that was it. I really missed my industry and I ended up getting a full time job for one of the major manufacturers. So that's, you know, cleared the way for that.
I'm a big believer in putting it out there in the universe. Which I'm sure has been a theme in a lot of your conversations. If not, it certainly will be. Just putting out in the universe that I want to find something better. And I'm going to hang out with this and I'm not going to let it eat at me. So many people let their jobs, and I know you said it's not necessarily jobs. Or relationships or things like that, although relationships, that's kind of almost a different road to go down about reasons not to quit because sometimes you really have to but sometimes like, you know, with a job you can like stick through it.
Hanne Blank Boyd: But still that idea that, you know, like this or something better than this.
Kim Airs: Something better. Exactly. That's the whole thing. And I think that that's a, there's always going to be better. And I think that's a big reason why so many of these jobs are unfilled now post pandemic is because people were like, "Hey, I was in a really crappy job and I know there's better out there."
And so that's not so much like quit, 'cause maybe they were laid off or something like that. Or maybe they just made the decision to better themselves, better their inner feeling. There's always going to be something better, whether it's a job or a relationship or place to live or just anything, I mean it can be applied to kind of anything. But just to be able to like stick with it because the better will be out there for sure.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Love that. The whole balance, right? Between you gotta stick with it, and then the better will come. Let it come. But don't quit your day job.
So, for you, what's the best piece of advice you ever got? And where did you get it?
Kim Airs: Okay. This definitely has to do with the theme of quitting. So I'm just like, Oh my gosh, cause this is, this is a big one.
All right. So I got inspired. Like I said, I had been kind of in the sex positive world since 87. Now for all you youngsters out there, that's before the internet, just reminding you, and maybe even before you were born.
So let's go back to the way back machine with that. So 1987 and on, I mean, I have had an insatiable, which is also the title of an old porn movie desire to learn more about sex stuff. Well, what happened was, I guess it was, oh, let's see, maybe '89, '90 I got turned on to a magazine called On Our Backs, which was “entertainment for the adventurous lesbian.”
Hanne Blank Boyd: It was such a great magazine!
Kim Airs: What it did is it really portrayed... it's funny, it's funny to say this, "real lesbians," I just put that in quotes because I mean, what is that? Okay. So hang with me here. Traditionally lesbian images in porno magazines and videos were always two very feminine women. Okay. Not that they can't be real lesbians either. Don't get me wrong there. But a lot of times the dynamic is butch/ femme. This is pretty common and so on and so forth. So this is the first magazine that really showed butch femme relationships, having sex, gettin' nasty and stories and everything, groundbreaking journal On Our Backs.
Well, it turns out Deb Sundahl — the late great, she recently died — founder of it along with a couple others, was doing a workshop on the g spot and female ejaculation. What happened is that she -- in Boston -- was unable to present at the two feminist bookstores in Boston because she would be talking about sex and this is 1992 and God forbid that lesbians would talk about sex in a public place! So she spoke at the gay men's bookstore, Glad Day.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Which no longer exists.
Kim Airs: No longer, no, that was an institution, that place. So she spoke there and then I thought, you know what, she's doing a hands on workshop in New York city at the home of Dell Williams, who founded Eve's Garden, considered the first feminist porn, you know, adult toy store.
And so I'm like, I'll go see her there. So I went there and long story, and then we got talking at the end and we were talking about our trials and tribulations of not having a place to speak about women's sexuality in the Boston area. I said, "You know what? We could use a women's sex toy store in Boston."
Bing. I could do that.
Clouds parted, bolt of lightning came down. I grew up on top of my father's furniture store. My two sisters are in retail. My grandparents on both sides were in retail. Retail does not scare me. So I was staying at my friends, the two women that turned me on to On Our Backs.
I said, "You know what? I'm going to open up a women's sex toy store in Boston."
And their line was, " If anybody can do it, it's you."
Now, here's where the advice comes in. That was Columbus day weekend 92. I was driving down from Boston to New Jersey where my family is, blah, blah, blah. My brother was there. My brother and I have been very tight.
I said, "You know what? I'm going to open up a women's sex toy store in Boston after my boss at Harvard retires."
Hanne Blank Boyd: Okay.
Kim Airs: Which was about three years down the road. I love him dearly. We're, we've been very, very close. He died at the ripe old age of 95 just last year.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Oh my goodness.
Kim Airs: Yeah, we were super, super tight. I'm also right in between the age of his two daughters and just like I love him to pieces.
Anyway, so I told my brother that I'm going to wait till he retires. And the advice that he gave me was if it's such a good idea, somebody's going to beat you to it.
Hanne Blank Boyd: I love that. What a smart brother.
Kim Airs: What a smart brother. And then he's like, you know, where could you find your money? And so I got thinking with that.
And then the thing that he said, which really hit me hard, hard in a good way. He said, "Whose life are we talking about here?"
Hanne Blank Boyd: That, that's fantastic.
Kim Airs: From that conversation with my brother, for sure.
Hanne Blank Boyd: What keeps you going day to day now? What keeps, keeps you moving along?
Kim Airs: I would say, you know, it's kind of like a big picture. It's making the world a better place around sex. I mean, this is the whole thing: I work with disabled people. I work with ED, you know. So that's erectile dysfunction for anybody that doesn't know. Now the whole thing with ED, and I'll just kind of go down this rabbit hole just a little bit, is so first of all to reflect on how male centered the whole healthcare industry is another conversation, but a guy can go to a doctor and say, "Hey, you know what? I can't get an erection." And they'll just merrily write a piece of paper and here you go for Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, right? Or, you can even do it online without even talking to like a real doctor and seeing them. You know, with all this stuff, it's like, yeah, just get it in the mail, right?
Now, this is the thing. They will never, and I put that in huge capital, 72 point letters, never ask, Are you partnered? Has your partner had penetrative sex? When was the last time? Do you use a personal lubricant with your partner? Because, let's say they're a heterosexual couple, if he's had ED going on for a while, hmm, chances are she has not had any penetrative sex for a while.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Absolutely.
Kim Airs: He's going to get this erection, what do you think the first thing he's going to do with it? Poke it, right? With absolutely no preparation of this. Doctors are clueless around this. They never ask, "do you have a partner?" When it's one of the easiest questions and the easiest solutions.
So what I do is I work with these men with ED and also their partners. Okay, how can you prepare for this magic moment? And you know, he's going to take these pills and go, hey, it feels like I'm 18 again.
Well, she's probably not going to feel like she's 18 again due to... perhaps they're in a long relationship... menopause! Ta da! That's a whole nother issue I work with. And that's, that's like you say, that's a whole nother, you know, vulva owning situation of menopause. I do a lot of work with people with menopause and just what can they use of commercially available sex toys to make themselves comfortable working with, I don't want, I don't call it the condition, just kind of working with what they're going through.
So this is a really important area for me because you know, a lot of it is the baby boomers. A lot of it is people don't talk about this stuff.
Hanne Blank Boyd: No, they really don't.
Kim Airs: They do not talk about this and like, even doctors! Like a friend of mine actually used to work at the store, she had to have a hysterectomy due to fibroids or something like that. So she's 42. That's It's pre menopause, pre typical menopause. I mean, technically you start going through it, the estrogen drop's around 35. It's really gradual and then it kind of catches up with you like early fifties, although it's always different. So she's like I'm going, I'm going through menopause because I don't have ovaries and, and it, I'm…
Hanne Blank Boyd: Surgical menopause, it's a real thing.
Kim Airs: It's a real thing. It's very common. And what are the doctors tell you about it? Not much. So this is another area that I work around because like I said, I just want people to be really comfortable in their sex life even if they're, you know, solo. I mean this is the whole thing, especially let's say vaginal.
So the vagina is, it's a mucous membrane, okay? So that can dry out. That's what happens. It'll also dry out-- I'll just throw this little sex tip in there-- it'll dry out if you're on antihistamines.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Yes, it absolutely will. Many people find this out the hard way.
Kim Airs: You know, does it say anything on your antihistamine drug if you are sexually active use a personal lubricant? No, they don't tell you it's because you're not supposed to have sex when you have a runny nose. It's it's just the whole thing It's just this whole prejudice around being sexually active. I mean, it's like that's a whole nother thing.
Hanne Blank Boyd: But it sounds like, but doing this work, really, I mean, you're so passionate about it. And it really sounds like it's so motivating for you.
Kim Airs: Absolutely. And that's the thing, is, I do not want to quit this industry at all. Actually. Okay. So this is, this is my carrot that I'm going for, I guess you'd say, or like kind of almost the next phase of Kim Airs. I'm pretty excited about it. All right. When I say to you what's the name of an old lady who's funny, who talks about sex?
Who do you think of?
Hanne Blank Boyd: I think, well, I think of you.
Kim Airs: That's the perfect answer.
Hanne Blank Boyd: I mean, also, I mean, Ruth Westheimer, of course.
Kim Airs: Exactly. And she's 30 years ago that she was doing this. So to me, that stage is wide open. I do a whole hour and a half sex toy show that's edutainment because I talk a lot about, you know, all different aspects of sex route, blah, blah, blah. And I crack out tons of toys and the show's called, You Want To Put That Where?!?
So that's the thing. So I want to do that and be that new funny old lady who talks about sex. Dr. Ruth, she was funny because she's a small German woman who says penis and vagina. And that's really funny. But technically like as comedy, she...
Hanne Blank Boyd: She wasn't a comic. She was a doctor, and that made it possible for her to be in that space.
Kim Airs: Exactly. So that's why that space is wide open for me because I really know my shit.
I've got tons of personal experience, professional dominatrix, sex worker, you know, work in the store. Product development. I mean, it just goes on and on and on. And that's the thing is that I really want to get all my messages out there in the platform of humor because humor will break down barriers and stigmas and resistance.
That's always been my avenue on kind of dealing with life, but especially around the sex thing. That's, that's my superpower. And I can't tell you like how many people I've worked with that they're like, oh my God, it's so comfortable to talk to you.
It's like, yeah, that's what, that's who I am. And that's what I do.
Hanne Blank Boyd: And another way that you do this, and I want to bring this full circle, is you ride a very interesting motorcycle. And I mentioned at the beginning, so I want, I, could you describe The Big Vibe for us?
Kim Airs: Sure! It is a 2004 Honda Shadow Aero 750, for your motorcycle geeks out there. I do have three motorcycles, but I only ride one at a time. So The Big Vibe, I jokingly said to my dear friend, Robin Romaine, who is an amazing artist. I said, "Oh, I should paint my bike with sex toys."
She's like, "I'll do that."
So she ended up painting it. It's got its own Facebook page too, The Big Vibe motorcycle. She ended up painting it and people think it's like photographic decals. It's so great. I mean, that's what a great artist she is. So I have this motorcycle. I love it. It's a shaft drive; I guess double entendre there too.
And all painted. It goes in order. So the front fender is all lubricants, toys on the tank. There's condoms over the safety manual, there's batteries over the battery compartment, and of course, butt toys on the rear fender. So, that's really good, and that works. And the best part of it is, I have a vibrator built into the seat.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Oh my word, that is amazing.
Kim Airs: It's called the Vibe Rider, and it actually fits on any bike, and it's hooked up to the throttle. So, it's got a toggle switch that you just toggle on with your left hand. If you ride, your left hand's your free hand because your right hand's on the throttle. So, you can just turn it on and it makes any ride amazing and the faster I go, the faster the vibrator goes.
Hanne Blank Boyd: I think that a motorcycle manufacturer really needs to, you know, pick that one up, stat.
Kim Airs: They do! Well the thing is, is that the, you know, it's invented by a guy. Oh, he makes it for the passenger seat. I'm like, not on my bike! And if somebody had a really good line, right? They pointed to the vibrator and go, this is the bitch seat.
And then if somebody is taking a picture, I'll have them stand in the front and I'll be like, okay, we'll do on the count of three, one, two, BZZT! and then the picture has. them AAAH!, jumpin' out of there.
Hanne Blank Boyd: That would definitely be a reason not to quit, is to live for a chance to, you know, try out the Big Vibe.
Kim Airs: Absolutely. Absolutely. So yeah, I love my motorcycle. That's a big reason why I moved to California. I tell people yeah, you know, after I sold my store, I didn't have to stay in Boston anymore. I said, yeah, I moved out to California 'cause they have an addiction. And they all look like really? Seriously? I said, yeah, it's called Motorcycle Riding. And it's about at that level.
You can't see it here on the podcast, but I'll show Hanne here , I have tattoos on my hands. That's twist between my thumb and index finger, right hand brake on the right hand over my knuckles.
And then the other knuckle says squeeze, says squeezes the clutch. So I always say I put them there so I don't forget what to do when I go senile.
Hanne Blank Boyd: Well, thank you so much for all of this. This is a wonderful conversation and I love all of this juiciness and advice and humor and reasons not to quit and that sort of hang in there because there, there's always something better. And, you know, looking out, asking the universe for that something better is so huge. So big.
And I want to remind our listeners that if they want to know more about you and what you do, they can check out Grand Opening!
Kim Airs: Grand Opening dot com! you can buy all the lovely items. And what I'll do too, just for listeners, I'll put a discount code. It's, for most products, I mean, there's like 35,000 products, so it's pretty much everything. You could just put... let's see, what would be good? I'll put reasons, REASONS.
We'll use REASONS as your discount code.
Hanne Blank Boyd:
So yeah, don't forget REASONS as your discount code, grandopening. com.
Kim Airs: Absolutely. And check out KimAirs.com, and Kim Airs on all socials. And that's me.
Hanne Blank Boyd: This has been Reasons Not to Quit. Our guest has been the delightful and hilarious Kim Airs.
This is a podcast about people and the reasons they find not to quit when the going gets rough.
Images and a transcript from today's podcast, as well as the archive of all of our episodes are available at our website, reasonsnottoquit.substack.com.
So if you've ever felt like you weren't sure how you were going to keep going, remember: you are in the right place: Reasons Not To Quit.
Until next time. I'm your host, Hanne Blank Boyd.
SHOW NOTES
Kim Airs runs Grand Opening! — woman-owned, sex positive boutique since 1993. Use the code REASONS for a special Reasons Not To Quit discount!
The Big Vibe motorcycle’s FB page
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